I know that without parents we would have no children. And without parents we would have few youth coaches. But I wish all parents would have to take a coaching class before coaching their own children. Their children would benefit from the class the most. Believe it or not, but high school coaches now have to be nationally certified to coach. The coaches get certified by taking a class. On how to coach effectively. Most coaches I know have taken more than one class and many go to conferences/clinics. The other thing parents need is perspective. Look outside your own life.
This past week two separate parents came to me having to "have to talk." This is one of the oft-used phrases that parents, mostly dads, use to start a conversation about how their child is being "misused, cheated, being treated unfairly," and occasionally "abused." "We have to talk" almost always preceeds, "Well, I'm not really a coach, but. . ." I have a mental record of these phrases and even share them with the other coaches in our program. What they really are saying is, "You should be playing my child more than you do now and why can't you see that he is the next great baseball player yet to be discovered." I have been told on numerous occasions that I have, "ruined my child's life." My all-time favorite is, "You have ruined my son's chance to play in the NBA." This describing a baseball player that could hit reasonably at the JV level, but couldn't run or throw, and who was 5'2" as a sophomore with both parents were under 6'.
One of these conversations happened over the phone to me and one to an assistant JV coach. I get to handle both. I'm experienced in talking to these parents, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. It is the lack of perspective and reality that I can't get used to hearing. The reality is we live in a small town and most of our players will "go pro in something other than their chosen sport," as the commercial says. There is nothing wrong with that and it does not make the player a "loser" in life. What makes them that is a parent that has unrealistic expectations and literally fills the child's head with the "belief" and expectation that they will be the next BIG thing in their sport. What has the child got to look forward to if the trophy they receive for recreation sports is taller than they are? What happens when they have to actually compete for their position and playing time instead of dad penciling in their name everytime?
I'll tell you what happens. An "uncaring, self-serving, prejudiced bigot (by both white and Hispanic)" high school coach like me will have a conversation that starts, "Coach, We have to talk." And they probably won't like the answer I will politely give them.
Below is a post to a sports forum I read. The post is from a parent of a freshman baseball player at one of our regional powerhouse high schools. The school has high expectations and the parents have higher expectations. Interesting take on a situation when a parent has a conversation with the correct person.
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| CWFan |  | « on: March 22, 2009, 08:21:00 AM » |  Quote |
I've been reading with interest the accounts of a young man that quit his baseball team mid-season. It has been suggested that he quit because of parental influence, in this case, his dads.
I guess it's easy to pass judgement on this situation because most of us can easily identify with either the dad or the kid , what their expectations were going into this season, and how those expectations may or may not have been met.
My son plays on a freshman team which is loaded with talent. The team is undefeated thus far in the season and, quite frankly, have not even been seriously challenged in any of their games. This is my boys' second year playing school baseball because he has always chosen to play travel ball after the Ripken seasons and has done very well as a pitcher and part-time outfielder. I've always questioned his commitment to baseball because he did NOT care to even try out for the middle school team saying that it was too time consuming and "political". While his mom and I have always enjoyed following his "uncommited" baseball career, our expectations were that he have a good time playing the game and take in the many life lessons that playing team sports provides. Over the years, he has established himself as being "the man" on his travel team. He is a better than average pitcher and swings the bat effectively. When not pitching, he was an OK, but not great, outfielder. He always seemed to enjoy baseball and we found it to be a terrific family activity.
Now, my wife and I are truly disappointed! He plays on a team that is extremely competitive at every position on the field. He has to fight for playing time with an outfield cadre that is six deep and has never been considered as a possible pitcher. My early level of excitement and anticipation has been stomped on and his mom is angry that the coaching staff is not giving her son a fair chance to compete for a position. He will be a starter in one game and ride the pine the entire game in the next outing. He is no longer "the man" and we are truly frustrated. Prodded by my wife, I decided I would have a little one on one with the coach and see if there might be a way I could get my boy greater recognition. I mean, I don't want to run the team but, I'd like to see my son get more playing time and gain the recognition we feel
he deserves. Before I contacted the coach, I thought I might have a little heart-to-heart with my boy and get his take on the situation. His response was both very revealing and surprising.
He felt that this season has been the most challenging he has ever had. He feels he is finally learning the basics of playing an outfield position and becoming a pretty accomplished outfielder as well. The one drawback he feels is that, due to the limited number of at bats, he presses too hard to "make things happen" and his ability to relax and focus has diminished. On the positive note, he feels that because he is not "the man", he doesn't have to always deliver the big game winning hit and carry his team. He has developed an appreciation of the fact the baseball is a team game and everyone has a contribution to make if the team is to be successful. His response stopped me in my tracks and I will NOT be contacting the coach to determine if there is some way I can help my boy excel.
I have concluded that, inspite of my and my wifes stated concerns, MY EGO was front and center. Shouldn't have been and should never be when trying to help him achieve his objectives which could range from just having fun to competing for a D-1 scholie . Perhaps the most important lesson learned through this exercise has been to step back and honestly review my own expectations and how my expectations impact the relative success, or lack thereof, that my son experiences in his baseball career. |
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