Last weekend I started a new job. Not a big deal for the most part, but in some ways it was a huge step. As usual I have been overthinking the situation and yet I believe for me this can be a great step forward to live in the past.
When I retired from education we called it retirement for the ease of explaining what we did in conversation. The reality was we were leaving education, education provided a means to stop teaching with its generous pension system, and we realized it was time to change. Now just over a year into this next phase, we find the pension isn't quite doing what we thought it might. We made the decision to have only one income and help our children grow into responsible adults, which they did. This financial shortfall wasn't totally unexpected, and this is not a whine after the fact. What I did expect, and has now happened, is that I would find a job and work for pay again. I know for many of my peers this isn't what the "worked their whole lives for," but for me it's grand.
Look at the situation this way. How many of us; because of family, money, desire, job or age; stop participating in hobbies they did while younger? In my case I'll add a medical condition on top of the other reasons. Now I have a chance to work a job that combines what I like to do with work. Make a bit of money to help the family finances while doing something I enjoy. Win-Win? So far. The living in the mountains, skiing, backpacking type things I used to do can now be restarted.
The reality is some of those things I will do again, some not for different reasons. I now have the patience to live with what I decide, and I am happy with what happens.
The job? I'm a utility person at the local national park. I will be giving directions and selling in a visitor center booth. I will be giving instructions to those about to take a tour. I will be the tail end of some tours, called taiilighting. I will be emptying trashcans and cleaning restrooms. Pretty mundane stuff, but doing it in the mountains with enthusiastic fellow workers. It is just what the doctor ordered.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
To See, or To Really See
I've been in a funk for a while. The transition from everyday work, bells rings telling me where to be, young people asking or telling, adults speaking nonsense to help them chase some goal to the what am I going to do today of life after work; this change hasn't been as smooth. My latest thoughts about this situation have been about perspective.
Today I read something by Frederick Buechner about teaching. He told the story of when he taught creative writing, but was fearful of what could happen if the students actually learned how to write more effectively. He feared they would write more effective racist tracts or pornography or loathsome novels. For a man that is usually so optimistic, I was taken aback by his cynicism.
I was happy to see though that I thought of some wonderful things his students could write more effectively; inspirational stories, commentaries to the newspaper editor, or letters to far away family. The good that could be done.
Perspective makes the difference.
Today I read something by Frederick Buechner about teaching. He told the story of when he taught creative writing, but was fearful of what could happen if the students actually learned how to write more effectively. He feared they would write more effective racist tracts or pornography or loathsome novels. For a man that is usually so optimistic, I was taken aback by his cynicism.
I was happy to see though that I thought of some wonderful things his students could write more effectively; inspirational stories, commentaries to the newspaper editor, or letters to far away family. The good that could be done.
Perspective makes the difference.
Monday, July 20, 2015
The Needle and the Damage Done
We watched the movie Unforgiven recently, twice sort of. Two parts of our watching Unforgiven are typical of our film viewing these days. We watch many movies we have watched before because we liked the film the first time and we start watching the movie after the film as started showing on TV.
Unforgiven is a western directed and acted in by Clint Eastwood. It is one of only three westerns to win an Oscar for best film. The body count is high and the movie was praised for giving a truer sense of what the Wild West really was like. For us, and this is getting more typical, there was many parts of the movie that we had forgotten so the movie seemed as if we were watching it for the first time again.
We started watching the film about thirty minutes into the action. Your mind tricks you into thinking that is okay, you haven't missed much. Usually that is true. In this case we watched for a bit then recorded the rest for viewing later; which we did later that same evening.
The premise of the movie is a small western town is controlled by a former gunfighter and bully named Little Bill. Cowboys come through town and in the course of time two cowboys come to town to loosen up. One of the cowboys cuts the face of a prostitute multiple times. Little Bill dispenses his justice, which isn't much. The ladies of the whorehouse don't like his answer. They collect money and put out a $1000 bounty for the death of the two cowboys, even though only one did the cutting. Little Bill isn't happy as he fears the bounty will draw some bad men to town. And it does so Little Bill makes an example of the first one that arrives.
Far away an aging, reformed, widower gunfighter, Bill Munny, is trying to eke out a living for himself and his two children farming. The nephew of a former partner shows up with the story of the $1000 bounty. This young man, Kid Schofield, is brash and full of words, but has no experience gunfighting. All he has are stories from his uncle of this man that likes to kill, and the Kid figures this is the guy to help him collect the bounty. Munny doesn't want any part of it. He says his wife got him sober and away from the killing, but the Kid is persistent. The $1000 eventually convinces Munny to go along. Munny convinces another partner to go with him, but you sense Ned goes from a sense of loyalty to Munny.
Munny, Ned and the Kid go to down and have their showdown with Little Bill. Bill bullies them and beats Munny. As Munny is recovering the three decide to go after the cowboys as they work and eventually find them. Ned shoots and wounds one of the cowboys from a distance, but realizing he has now more stomach for killing drops the rifle. The Kid is blind beyond 50 feet and we find out has never killed anyone. Munny reluctantly finishes the job. Ned leaves to go home and the other two wait for a chance to kill the second cowboy. They eventually get the chance and the Kid shoots him while in a outhouse. The Kid then comes unhinged with the fact he killed a man. Munny finds out that Ned was caught by Little Bill, beaten, killed and put on display in town as a warning. Munny goes to town and kills Little Bill and most of his deputies before leaving. The movie ends and the credits tell us Munny and his children vanish into the west mysteriously never to be heard from again.
Now I didn't bore you with a retelling of this movie for no reason. Remember I said we watched the movie twice sort of? A day later I was flipping through the TV channels and came across another showing of Unforgiven, but this time it was just starting. I turned it on to watch the first 30 minutes we missed the day before. We watched the beginning and not much new information was learned per se. The cowboy not involved tried to make amends in a way by offering a horse that could be sold. The prostitutes were offended and undeterred. The beginning reminded me that we as people stake out our moral territory and beliefs based upon our version of truth. Each of the characters lived their lives by their beliefs formed by their experiences and ignorance.
Then my wife commented, "That was a bit excessive for the amount of damage done. A whole lot of people died and she was just injured." I spent the rest of the day thinking about the damage people do, but more so the level of injury that causes us to seek revenge. I started thinking of our country's social and political ills and concluded some comparisons could be drawn between modern America and this movie.
There are no innocents in this movie starting with the prostitutes. They seem like many that want death to revenge the defacing of one of their own after the local authority gives a small punishment for the cutting. How many in this country cry out for their justice over any offense? And how often does the punishment outstrip the offense? And how often do people get hurt that have little to do with the crime? Like the second cowboy that tries to give a horse as restitution. He is rebuffed and eventually is killed.
How many in this country are like Kid Schofield? Ignorant of the reality of what he is trying to do. After he shoots the man in the outhouse, he can't handle what really has happened and breaks down. How many plod along in not knowing what their country and leaders are really doing? And still talk a mean game.
Little Bill the town sheriff seems typical of a person in authority. He uses his power as a stick so that he can maintain that power. He dispenses his version of justice based on his view of reality and vision.
Bill Munny seems to have made a change, but all his life he has been guided by outside influences. Whiskey clouded his vision early and because of it he was a ruthless killer. His wife changed him, but now that she is dead he wavers when presented with a chance for money to help raise his children. He doesn't want to kill, but "one last time" is all he needs to get ahead. Situational ethics.
The one who seems to be aware and good is Ned. He walks away from killing again and the money. But what happens to him? He dies beat up and broken.
Don't most of us feel like Ned?
Unforgiven is a western directed and acted in by Clint Eastwood. It is one of only three westerns to win an Oscar for best film. The body count is high and the movie was praised for giving a truer sense of what the Wild West really was like. For us, and this is getting more typical, there was many parts of the movie that we had forgotten so the movie seemed as if we were watching it for the first time again.
We started watching the film about thirty minutes into the action. Your mind tricks you into thinking that is okay, you haven't missed much. Usually that is true. In this case we watched for a bit then recorded the rest for viewing later; which we did later that same evening.
The premise of the movie is a small western town is controlled by a former gunfighter and bully named Little Bill. Cowboys come through town and in the course of time two cowboys come to town to loosen up. One of the cowboys cuts the face of a prostitute multiple times. Little Bill dispenses his justice, which isn't much. The ladies of the whorehouse don't like his answer. They collect money and put out a $1000 bounty for the death of the two cowboys, even though only one did the cutting. Little Bill isn't happy as he fears the bounty will draw some bad men to town. And it does so Little Bill makes an example of the first one that arrives.
Far away an aging, reformed, widower gunfighter, Bill Munny, is trying to eke out a living for himself and his two children farming. The nephew of a former partner shows up with the story of the $1000 bounty. This young man, Kid Schofield, is brash and full of words, but has no experience gunfighting. All he has are stories from his uncle of this man that likes to kill, and the Kid figures this is the guy to help him collect the bounty. Munny doesn't want any part of it. He says his wife got him sober and away from the killing, but the Kid is persistent. The $1000 eventually convinces Munny to go along. Munny convinces another partner to go with him, but you sense Ned goes from a sense of loyalty to Munny.
Munny, Ned and the Kid go to down and have their showdown with Little Bill. Bill bullies them and beats Munny. As Munny is recovering the three decide to go after the cowboys as they work and eventually find them. Ned shoots and wounds one of the cowboys from a distance, but realizing he has now more stomach for killing drops the rifle. The Kid is blind beyond 50 feet and we find out has never killed anyone. Munny reluctantly finishes the job. Ned leaves to go home and the other two wait for a chance to kill the second cowboy. They eventually get the chance and the Kid shoots him while in a outhouse. The Kid then comes unhinged with the fact he killed a man. Munny finds out that Ned was caught by Little Bill, beaten, killed and put on display in town as a warning. Munny goes to town and kills Little Bill and most of his deputies before leaving. The movie ends and the credits tell us Munny and his children vanish into the west mysteriously never to be heard from again.
Now I didn't bore you with a retelling of this movie for no reason. Remember I said we watched the movie twice sort of? A day later I was flipping through the TV channels and came across another showing of Unforgiven, but this time it was just starting. I turned it on to watch the first 30 minutes we missed the day before. We watched the beginning and not much new information was learned per se. The cowboy not involved tried to make amends in a way by offering a horse that could be sold. The prostitutes were offended and undeterred. The beginning reminded me that we as people stake out our moral territory and beliefs based upon our version of truth. Each of the characters lived their lives by their beliefs formed by their experiences and ignorance.
Then my wife commented, "That was a bit excessive for the amount of damage done. A whole lot of people died and she was just injured." I spent the rest of the day thinking about the damage people do, but more so the level of injury that causes us to seek revenge. I started thinking of our country's social and political ills and concluded some comparisons could be drawn between modern America and this movie.
There are no innocents in this movie starting with the prostitutes. They seem like many that want death to revenge the defacing of one of their own after the local authority gives a small punishment for the cutting. How many in this country cry out for their justice over any offense? And how often does the punishment outstrip the offense? And how often do people get hurt that have little to do with the crime? Like the second cowboy that tries to give a horse as restitution. He is rebuffed and eventually is killed.
How many in this country are like Kid Schofield? Ignorant of the reality of what he is trying to do. After he shoots the man in the outhouse, he can't handle what really has happened and breaks down. How many plod along in not knowing what their country and leaders are really doing? And still talk a mean game.
Little Bill the town sheriff seems typical of a person in authority. He uses his power as a stick so that he can maintain that power. He dispenses his version of justice based on his view of reality and vision.
Bill Munny seems to have made a change, but all his life he has been guided by outside influences. Whiskey clouded his vision early and because of it he was a ruthless killer. His wife changed him, but now that she is dead he wavers when presented with a chance for money to help raise his children. He doesn't want to kill, but "one last time" is all he needs to get ahead. Situational ethics.
The one who seems to be aware and good is Ned. He walks away from killing again and the money. But what happens to him? He dies beat up and broken.
Don't most of us feel like Ned?
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