The Beginning of Another School Year

And I am not there.

Yesterday at the farmer's market, a former colleague asked what I was thinking about not having to report for school this fall. I first answered with the usual comment about enjoying not having the stress. I then said I was sad. She mentioned a friend of hers that had just retired also. This friend was going to come back to work because he missed teaching. I miss teaching also.

I have been trying to organize my thoughts this past week about the odd feelings I have had. I miss teaching. I don't miss bureaucracy. I don't miss tests and papers. I do miss students, even the sullen ones that are a challenge to get to smile.

Still I wondered what was the root of the uneasiness. The comments about the other teacher shed light. I was sad to not be doing something that I have done for the last 31 years, and still like doing for the most part. The habits formed in those years haven't been broken yet. I realized I really need to make an effort to start new habits, new work to form new habits. As friend Jim did, I need to make a bookshelf.

Deep down as I opened myself up to these thoughts, I realize not teaching is still the correct decision. So many new worlds have and will open with that choice.